


Living a Life Within

by Snorlax_on_USS_Discovery



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Episode: s02e05 Saints of Imperfection, Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29985564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snorlax_on_USS_Discovery/pseuds/Snorlax_on_USS_Discovery
Summary: What would happen if Hugh did not come back from the cocoon in Saints of Imperfection? How would Paul react?
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets
Comments: 10
Kudos: 11





	Living a Life Within

**Author's Note:**

> Angst like woah on this one. Deals with death and the mental effects afterwards.

Burnham, Stamets, and Tilly watched and waited for any signs of movement from the cocoon. Was May going to be successful in transporting Hugh back to this plane of existence?

The impatience and hope were palpably written on everyone’s face, but no more so than Paul’s. Would he have the chance to make right the wrongs since they came onto Discovery?

Several agonizing minutes passed with no signs of any movement from the cocoon. Paul looked as if he was going to crawl out of his skin. His head shook almost violently side to side as it did when he could not put his emotions into words. 

Burnham and Tilly looked downcast, unshed tears in their eyes. Everything they did was for naught, and it was so quiet that they could hear Paul’s heart begin to shatter. 

Finally, the cocoon started to shimmer with a blue iridescence and then began to melt away...

And then...

Nothing. Nothing was left behind as the specks of iridescent material floated away, washing over the stunned face of Paul.

“No!” Paul sobbed as he fell to his knees. This could not be happening. There was no goodbye this time. He did not get to see him on the other side.

The world around Paul began to fall silent. He could not hear Michael or Tilly offering their sympathy. He could not hear when the medical team came in and tried to pull him off the ground.

He was numb. 

Losing Hugh the first time was devastating.

Losing him the second time was...there were no words to describe the depths of Paul’s sorrow this time.

The next few days, Paul went about his routine like he was a zombie. There would be no body to bury this time. No one to share this new level of grief with. 

It was the seventh day, and Paul was at his station in engineering when he heard a voice.

“Paul, I’m here.” The voice made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

“Hugh?” Paul whispered as he looked around to see if anyone else heard the voice.

“Did anyone else hear that?” He asked to anyone around him.

“Hear what?” Tilly asked.

“It’s okay. I’m with you now.” Hugh’s voice resounded only in Paul’s head.

“Nothing. I think I’m leaving for the day.” Paul responded, quickly wiping away a few stray tears, and quickly made an exit and returned to his quarters. 

“Where are you?” Paul asked, and he collapsed onto the bed, curling up into the tightest ball possible.

  
“Within you. I’ll always be with you.”

When Paul did not show up for duty the next day, Tilly became worried and went to check on him. When he did not answer the door, she asked the computer to confirm the commander’s location. When it confirmed Paul was in his quarters, the cadet enlisted the help of Dr. Pollard to gain access to make sure he was okay.

Once Tracy used a medical override to gain access to the room, they found Paul in the same tight ball he put himself into the night before.

Tilly was relieved when Tracy confirmed he was alive but was very concerned that he was unresponsive. 

Paul was quickly transported to sickbay, but nothing they tried could get Paul to come out of the state he was in. Everything and anything possible was tried, and nothing worked.

Paul had retreated into his own mind...his own world and would not come out.

After another week of unsuccessful attempts to break Paul out of his shell, Captain Pike decided to have Paul transferred off the ship and to a facility that could better treat his condition.

To the world, Paul was an empty shell. A body that had its soul ripped from within.

That was far from what was going on. Paul was not an empty husk. Within himself, he was getting to live the life he and Hugh were supposed to have before the Klingon War.

Getting married.

Living a quiet life together in Cabo Rojo.

Hugh as a local doctor.

Paul studying and researching the local plant life.

Having kids.

Watching said kids grow up.

Having grandkids.

Growing old together. 

Spoiling grandkids.

Dying together in their sleep at a very old age.

Paul Stamets may have lived as a shell of a man for forty years, but he lived a lifetime of a perfect life inside of himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are welcome.
> 
> Sorry for this. Had been buzzing in my head for a few days and wrote this in about 30 minutes after finishing a project from hell at work as a treat.


End file.
